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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26941939">Soulmate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymarianne/pseuds/mymarianne'>mymarianne</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aromantic, I Don't Even Know, Internal Monologue, and confused, and i got this, i swear its not like Clarice Lispector, i think, i was just really stressed, this might be angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:08:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>585</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26941939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymarianne/pseuds/mymarianne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn't broken or half of something but it took a long time to realize that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Soulmate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Long looks over books and legs twined together were all sweet and good, but she didn’t feel like they were all that. It didnt feel like something to rave about like most people do. It felt warm and felt like intimacy, yes, but nothing different than it would with anyone else she cared about. She didn’t feel that pit of butterflies and warmth and lust mixed in anyone, really. It felt a bit empty, not her relationships, but hearing something that seems oh so great and oh so good and trying and failing and failing and failing to create that sentiment and just confusing yourself so much you think you can have that too.</p><p>   It felt like missing. Missing on so much. Experiences. Feelings. Relationships. Love. Like you couldn’t really be complete. Like you wouldn’t be fulfilled. And you just go with it because you wouldn’t want to be half of something. Being incomplete sounds too much like being broken and you think of yourself enough like that to be called that way by others. She’ll never be really happy. She’ll be so lonely. She’ll end up alone. Why do we downplay all of the other relationships we have just to elevate one as the best?</p><p>   And you just go with it but you don’t feel like that is quite right, don’t feel like your life should be completely bound to someone. But you don’t want to be alone and everyone else seems to be slowly leaving because they like the idea of sharing their life.</p><p>   “But this life is mine!” She thought, and she was a selfish and greedy person. “I don’t want someone to try to fullfil every need i have. I want more. More people in my life. More love than one person can hold.” The thought of sharing all of her life with someone brought unease and fear. “When they die, would everything that i am, everything i shared with them die too?” It’s a beautiful and horrifying concept, the one that you have a soulmate. We are so many different people in life but still manage to be just one, to believe only one person can hold you in its entirety is underwhelming.</p><p>   Sometimes the need to belong seems to take over our entire beings, as if being free isn’t just as good as. She remembers when she tried to tie herself so tight to fit in one person. To make herself smaller to accomodate someone else’s entire being in her. She felt warm and she felt like intimacy was a living breathing thing between them. But she also felt unconfortably aware and full. She had to make space on every little crevice of her life and change. Change habits, change choices, change the very way she spoke. And the thought that she also made him change his entire life like she did was terrible in her mind. She always valued her privacy a bit too much, the privacy to be herself without having to be aware of anything else. It would never work.</p><p>   She wanted to break herself on pieces and throw them to the wind and let them bury themselves wherever they got taken to. She wanted to give herslef in pieces as to not occupy a person’s entire life, just enough that they brought warmth and intimacy and just enough that they didn’t feel the change. She wanted every person she was in her life to have a home with every soulmate she had. She felt complete.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Look, obviously this is kind of about me but i really really needed to write and i came out with this after like 20 minutes because i was Very Stressed<br/>English is not my first language and it didn't come out great because its basically my version of breaking something to relax<br/>Even then i hope it wasn't too bad ^_^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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